detritus of a recovering mind

I am free to laugh all of my laughter, free to trust and be trusted, free to both give and receive help. I am free from shame and regret, free to learn and grow and work.

From page 543 2001 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous
I can often look back with the clear vision of having made it to the other side of things and I can see that any mistakes have been for the best. My higher power has always had my back and as long as I try to live a good life, I believe I will be taken care of. Of course, I don’t always get what I want but I always get what I need. I have a story I tell sponsees to illustrate this concept.
I once was madly in love with a man who still lived with his mother. This man wanted to marry me but his mother was against it. She said it was because I was a divorcee but I think she didn’t want to lose her son. Anyway, she won and my dearly beloved called the marriage off. I was bereft. I cried, begged and pleaded, trying to get my way. This ruined what was left of the relationship and we broke up. 
I was desperately unhappy and I started to look at my life in the harsh illumination that pain often brings. I was willing to change myself. I thought about what I might do. Finally, I enrolled in nursing school. And despite enormous fear, I persisted and I graduated and became a nurse.
It was a few years later that I was looking back at my life as a sober woman when I realized that going back to school was what I had needed to do but I wouldn’t have done it if I had married this man I was so besotted with. And these many years later I can tell you that becoming a nurse did my life more good than marrying a man who was ruled by his mother could have. And so I continue to repeat this mantra,”Thy will not mine be done.” 

I can often look back with the clear vision of having made it to the other side of things and I can see that any mistakes have been for the best. My higher power has always had my back and as long as I try to live a good life, I believe I will be taken care of. Of course, I don’t always get what I want but I always get what I need. I have a story I tell sponsees to illustrate this concept.

I once was madly in love with a man who still lived with his mother. This man wanted to marry me but his mother was against it. She said it was because I was a divorcee but I think she didn’t want to lose her son. Anyway, she won and my dearly beloved called the marriage off. I was bereft. I cried, begged and pleaded, trying to get my way. This ruined what was left of the relationship and we broke up. 

I was desperately unhappy and I started to look at my life in the harsh illumination that pain often brings. I was willing to change myself. I thought about what I might do. Finally, I enrolled in nursing school. And despite enormous fear, I persisted and I graduated and became a nurse.

It was a few years later that I was looking back at my life as a sober woman when I realized that going back to school was what I had needed to do but I wouldn’t have done it if I had married this man I was so besotted with. And these many years later I can tell you that becoming a nurse did my life more good than marrying a man who was ruled by his mother could have. And so I continue to repeat this mantra,”Thy will not mine be done.” 

  1. francorriveau posted this